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Itinerary

Mount up cowhands cos' we're headed Way out West!

Day One

Up with the tumbleweed to depart good ol' yokem at 0830 prompt - read the rules.

Full cowboy dress is expected as befits a wagon trail of this magnitude. Said dress to include: hat (preferably Stetson), a gun (cap) and holster, spurs, neckties etc, preferable. Note: Squaws and injuns are exempt.

A saloon stop or two will take place on the way and we will arrive at camp roughly 1700.

Beware this is injun country!

Evening at leisure, remember there is strength in numbers, cowhands..

Day Two

After a breakfast of bangers, beans and grits. The herd will muster for a trip into the goldrush town of Bristol (pop. 23223)

Afternoon fixture against the local yokels - Barton Hill RFC at 1500, mount up at 1300. Club Blazer, (no trailblazer), etc.

Following the game there will be much a drinkin' and a hollerin' to be had, yesireebob!!

After plunderin' their whiskey and sarsaparilla stocks the posse will head into town for r and r before the big push tomorrow.

Day Tree

Pack up yer horses and git ready to mosey on down to Bristol shoguns as they attempt to see off the impending attack of Leicester.

THE POSSE WILL PREPARE TO MOUNT UP AT AROUND 6-7PM AND WILL BRING IN THE HERD BACK AT YOKEM AT AROUND MIDNIGHT.

YO ATTENTION IS MIGHTY APPRECIATED

General Lee

Read the rules

WAY OUT WEST TOUR

BRISTOL 2002

THE TOUR WILL BE GOVERNED BY STRICT LAWS OF THE WILD WEST, THE TERMS OF WHICH ARE LAID DOWN AS FOLLOWS:

  1. Strict punctuality is expected at all times - any wrong-doers will commence any said conversation for that day with 'm'pologies for leaving the herd urnattended, ah am a lowly varmint' …..

  2. No cowhand must be observed to be improperly dressed at any time

  3. No fire-water will be refused by any cowboy seen to be empty handed until the return trip East

  4. No Hoe, Coyote, nor Bimbo will be refused by any unattached cowboy if an offer of a gratuitous knee-trembler is forthcoming

  5. Use of mobile telegraph units will not be tolerated in the company of the boys, except in extreme conditions

  6. No falling in love with the cows on herding duty, or even worse with the traveling squaws

  7. No sleeping will be tolerated while the majority of men are awake, without the express permission of Doc on Holiday

  8. No Desertion of the herd

  9. Action which may jeopardise the integrity of the Tour will be outlawed

  10. All men must pass muster at breakfast each morning. The skipping of "bangers and beans" will not be acceptable

  11. NO POOFTERS

  12. Experienced cowhands should not need reminding that the cowherding mission is a discreet event. Rustlers must not hear of any movements of the herd

  13. Let the Wookey win

  14. Under no circumstances must any cowpunch catch the next Wells-Fargo stagecoach East without incurring the ridicule of the other men

  15. Lee Durrant must not be heard to be called anything other than "General Lee" for the duration of the tour (the South will rise agin my arse!)

  16. Ted Lawler must not be heard to be called anything other than "Marshall Ted" for the duration of the tour

  17. Mark Frost must not be heard to be called anything other than "Doc on Holiday"or"Doc" for the duration of the tour

  18. Sean O'Kane must not be heard to be called anything other than "Deputy Buddha" for the duration of the tour

  19. Tim Panter must be referred to as "Oi, Squaw!" for the duration of the tour

  20. On the call of "RODEO" all tourists will fire their six- shooters in the air amidst much a-whooping and a-hollerin'

  21. Each time the posse mounts up, a rendition of 'rawhide' will commence

  22. One girly back to be known as Sue (or Sioux)

  23. No 'dandy' liquor to pass any cowboys lips (alcopops), this rule can be contravened by said squaw and sue

  24. No discussion of women folk that are home on the range to be heard whilst on the trail

  25. The fine town of great yarmouth (pop. 2312) to be known as 'yokem'

Contravention of the above will lead to the Guilty Party being grassed up and subsequent prosecution by the Prosecutor Fiscal, Buddha O'Kane and will be brought in front of a Court - Marshall Ted presiding at the soonest convenience.

These Laws form part of the State's Law Enforcement Strategy and are designed to protect the safety of cowboys on tour. The fewer outlaws and bandits the better.

Marshall Ted
 TOMBSTONE GULCH (population 28)

 

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